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Sounds are in order they appear in movie.

Hawkeye Pierce's patented whistle Whistle
The eternal plea of the camp's loudspeaker "Attention! Attention!"
Hawkeye's and Duke Forrest's curiosity of Frank Burns' fervent praying "You ever catch this syndrome before, babe?"
"No, not with anyone beyond the age of eight years old, I haven't."
Hackeye speaks to the lack of olives for their martinis "We do have to make certain concessions to the war."
Trapper John McIntyre in the operating room "If this guy knew the clowns who were operating on him I think he'd faint."
Camp loudspeaker extolls the virtues of cleanliness "The following memo has just come through: Please remove all pictures, postcards, nude calenders, etc. from the walls so that our rooms may look clean and orderly."
Hawkeye's praise for Captain Walter Waldoski, Dental Officer (Painless) "The best equiped dentist in the army."
Corporal Judson muses on Painless' equipment "I'd purely love to see that angry."
Helicopter flying Chopper
Trapper's assessment of Frank Burns "He's an ignoramus - that knucklehead!"
Colonel Blake reminds himself "We try to remember we're a military organization."
Hawkeye tells Major Margaret Houlihan (Hot Lips) why she turns him off "You're what we call a regular army clown."
Hawkeye explains to Major Houlihan her missed opportunity after she turns him off "And under normal circumstances - you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman - I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me and you might possibly have cum."
Hawkeye expresses further disappointment in Major Houlihan "You really put me off."
Hot Lip's question and Father Mulcahy's reply "I wonder how a degenerated person like that could have reached a position of responsibility in the Army Medical Corps."
"He was drafted."
Trapper's affection for Hot Lips "The sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes - take her clothes off!"
Frank's assessment of his fellow man "Godless buffoons, all of them."
How Hot Lips got her name "My lips are hot!"
Hawkeye's inquiring mind wants to know about Hot Lips "Is she better than self abuse?"
Hawkeye questions Frank further "Does that big ass of hers move around a lot, Frank, or does it sort of lie there flacid?"
Radar, the interpreter "Hawkeye's questioning the Major on a point of anatomy."
Henry, the professional "Very professional: exchanging ideas."
Another probing question from Hawkeye "Would you say that she was a moaner, Frank?"
Radar provides more insight "Major Burns isn't saying much of anything, sir. I think he's formulating the answer."
Song playing as Frank exits in his straight jacket "The time has come for us to say sayonara."
Camp loudspeaker shares more vital information "Attention! From Colonel Blake's office: the American Medical Association has just declared marijuana a dangerous drug."
Hawkeye's commentary on the value of suicide at the Last Supper for Painless "That's what we award our finest medals for, that's what being a soldier is all about."
"Suicide Is Painless". See Song page for details
(This is a 1.2 meg file in ZIP format)
"Suicide Is Painless"
Suicide is Painless in MIDI form (Plays when main page is loaded. Courtesy of Sound America) M*A*S*H MIDI
Hot Lips is not happy with the military standards of the 4077th "This isn't a hospital - it's an insane asylum!"
Japanese jibberish Jibberish
Sargeant Gorman's reaction to chauffeuring two looney doctors "Goddam Army!"
Trapper makes a perfectly reasonable request "And then give me at least one nurse who knows how to work in close without gettting her tits in my way!"
Oriental bong sound Bong
Trapper and Hawkeye forgive the MPs "We don't blame you."
"You're only doing your job."
Henry, the problem solver "She makes some acusations, Henry, I...I find pretty hard to believe"
"Don't believe them then. Thank you, General. Goodbye."
Just a friendly football game with the 325th EVAC "Allright, bub, your f***ing head is coming right off!"
One last classic bit of B.S. from Trapper while playing poker "I have an Oklahoma."
"What is that?"
"Oklahoma! It's a pair of eights, a ten of spades, a duece and a five."

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