|Member of the Internet Link Exchange||Free Home Pages at GeoCities|
|Hawkeye Pierce's patented whistle||Whistle|
|The eternal plea of the camp's loudspeaker||"Attention! Attention!"|
|Hawkeye's and Duke Forrest's curiosity of Frank Burns' fervent praying||"You ever catch this syndrome before, babe?"
"No, not with anyone beyond the age of eight years old, I haven't."
|Hackeye speaks to the lack of olives for their martinis||"We do have to make certain concessions to the war."|
|Trapper John McIntyre in the operating room||"If this guy knew the clowns who were operating on him I think he'd faint."|
|Camp loudspeaker extolls the virtues of cleanliness||"The following memo has just come through: Please remove all pictures, postcards, nude calenders, etc. from the walls so that our rooms may look clean and orderly."|
|Hawkeye's praise for Captain Walter Waldoski, Dental Officer (Painless)||"The best equiped dentist in the army."|
|Corporal Judson muses on Painless' equipment||"I'd purely love to see that angry."|
|Trapper's assessment of Frank Burns||"He's an ignoramus - that knucklehead!"|
|Colonel Blake reminds himself||"We try to remember we're a military organization."|
|Hawkeye tells Major Margaret Houlihan (Hot Lips) why she turns him off||"You're what we call a regular army clown."|
|Hawkeye explains to Major Houlihan her missed opportunity after she turns him off||"And under normal circumstances - you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman - I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me and you might possibly have cum."|
|Hawkeye expresses further disappointment in Major Houlihan||"You really put me off."|
|Hot Lip's question and Father Mulcahy's reply|| "I wonder how a degenerated person like that could have
reached a position of responsibility in the Army Medical Corps."
"He was drafted."
|Trapper's affection for Hot Lips||"The sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes - take her clothes off!"|
|Frank's assessment of his fellow man||"Godless buffoons, all of them."|
|How Hot Lips got her name||"My lips are hot!"|
|Hawkeye's inquiring mind wants to know about Hot Lips||"Is she better than self abuse?"|
|Hawkeye questions Frank further||"Does that big ass of hers move around a lot, Frank, or does it sort of lie there flacid?"|
|Radar, the interpreter||"Hawkeye's questioning the Major on a point of anatomy."|
|Henry, the professional||"Very professional: exchanging ideas."|
|Another probing question from Hawkeye||"Would you say that she was a moaner, Frank?"|
|Radar provides more insight||"Major Burns isn't saying much of anything, sir. I think he's formulating the answer."|
|Song playing as Frank exits in his straight jacket||"The time has come for us to say sayonara."|
|Camp loudspeaker shares more vital information||"Attention! From Colonel Blake's office: the American Medical Association has just declared marijuana a dangerous drug."|
|Hawkeye's commentary on the value of suicide at the Last Supper for Painless||"That's what we award our finest medals for, that's what being a soldier is all about."|
|"Suicide Is Painless". See Song page for details
(This is a 1.2 meg file in ZIP format)
|"Suicide Is Painless"|
|Suicide is Painless in MIDI form (Plays when main page is loaded. Courtesy of Sound America)||M*A*S*H MIDI|
|Hot Lips is not happy with the military standards of the 4077th||"This isn't a hospital - it's an insane asylum!"|
|Sargeant Gorman's reaction to chauffeuring two looney doctors||"Goddam Army!"|
|Trapper makes a perfectly reasonable request||"And then give me at least one nurse who knows how to work in close without gettting her tits in my way!"|
|Oriental bong sound||Bong|
|Trapper and Hawkeye forgive the MPs||"We don't blame you."
"You're only doing your job."
|Henry, the problem solver||"She makes some acusations, Henry, I...I find pretty hard to believe"
"Don't believe them then. Thank you, General. Goodbye."
|Just a friendly football game with the 325th EVAC||"Allright, bub, your f***ing head is coming right off!"|
|One last classic bit of B.S. from Trapper while playing poker||"I have an Oklahoma."
"What is that?"
"Oklahoma! It's a pair of eights, a ten of spades, a duece and a five."